90's kid.

   
  Remember when Steve Urkel was the 90's nerd? And now he's our average Hipster. Or how, Carlton danced like such a fool, but now we all strive to dance like him? How is it that in only 20 years, our opinions of 'cool' have changed so drastically? No matter how much money we spend to wear just the right bell bottoms, or the snug fitting skinny jeans (or skinnies.. whatever the hell they're called now), we're always 5 steps behind. Does this mean that to be ahead, we should be tightening our curling rods, and preparing our Afro's now? Or peace signs are still cool?

Anyone born before 1994 can say they remember a time where they first heard the word "CD player" and didn't know what it meant. I remember one year for Christmas my sister got a CD player, and I had no idea what the hell it was. In such a short time we have watched cassettes turn into CD's, VHS turn into DVD.. what's next? Are we going to start using SD memory cards as our advanced technology? Or are we going to stop using anything, and rely on the world or downloading and streaming? This may be a boring subject, but really think about it. We went from one true love for everybody, to, a couple loves pre people.

Ole Golly: The time has come, the walrus said...
Harriet M. Welsch: To talk of many things...
Ole Golly: Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax...
Harriet M. Welsch: Of cabbages and kings...
Ole Golly: And why the sea is boiling hot...
Harriet M. Welsch: And whether pigs have wings.

Girls.

Girls, this is for ALL of you. So please take some time and read this.

Since moving to Kelowna, I have noticed the 'stereotype' it has. Blonde, tanned, big boobs, aaaand... well, dumb. Why have we let our selves get such low standards? Why do we treat each other with such distaste? Why do we do anything that we do to each other? A lot of girls will blame it on boys, and getting us to rival against each other. But I'm sorry girls, that is your choice to partake in such endeavors.
It all starts as soon as you walk through those high school doors. Your first day, your looking for your Elementary/Junior high bestie... and 'BAM', there they are with your nemesis. Which clearly states that they are now your nemesis as well. As soon as we get that first impression in our heads, there is no changing it. Why is that? Are we not alloud to change? Are we not alloud to mature?
When I moved to Kelowna, my style was ripped leggings, black tutu's and black anything else that matched. Couple days into living here I got told "words of wisdom" from a "friend", which are as follows.. "Don't wear that in public here". Ummm, fuuuuccckkk you. But no, I didn't tell her to shove it, and no, I didn't tell her that she had a resemblance to a horse. What did I do? I took her advice. Wow I am an idiot. Or rather.. desperate to fit in. That's all we're ever trying to do, fit in. But who chooses what we should wear, and how we should wear it? Where is this contract when coming out of the womb that we have signed, as god as our witness's, saying "Thou shall dress like clones, act like clones, be clones." ?!?
Girls are SO mean to each other. But we are ALL so alike! We all want to be liked, we all want to look good, and we all want friends. But what good are those friends if you can't even be yourself around them? Girls! Please, get over yourselves! I'm not trying to be a bitch, but just stating what we are ALL thinking. Can we please give each other second chances? Can we please not use our boyfriends as ammo? And for the love of god, when seeing a girl with a short skirt, and smoking heels, admit that your jealous. I know that if I'm out and dressed up, that took me hours. And I know that I did not get dressed up to be judged, I got dressed up to feel good.

Don't be such bitches, and lets all get along :)

I love you Grandpa.

Well, 2:30am always seems like a good fit to start writing. This is the time where the brain never stops. The time where you're desperately craving a good nights sleep. But it doesn't come. SO! Here I am, yet again, listening to my fingers crash into my keys like a mad woman. The one lingering thought I can't seem to shake out of my head, is my Grandpa.
To most, Grandparents are like your bank account. You see them a couple times a year, and it's always the same routine. You know that entering that doorway into their house, you will take in that old person smell, so you lather up in perfume/cologne to drown it out. Then they bring out those century candies, and you have  to take one or they will fall off their rockers and swear to satin for corrupting their grandchild. Blah blah blah, they write you a cheque, the end. Well not my G rent's. Having lived with my grandparents when I was little, made them second parents to me.
My Grandpa isn't doing too well. And I guess as you get older, they have to as well. Some sort of life shit or something like that. From, what was a 'Couldn't wait, my grandparents were coming to visit!!', turned into a 'thank god they were in Kelowna so my Grandpa could be rushed to ICU!'. After the 4th day of him being in ICU, I finally got to go see him. I told him he looked good, and he replied with.. "You too!!". Nothing phases the old fart.
We are sending as many positive thoughts as we can, so he can get the hell out of there! But reality is.. I'm not ready to lose him yet. Being the biggest father figure my sister and I had growing up, he is an incredible man. Each day he is getting stronger and stronger, and I need him to. To anyone who is as close with their family as I am, cherish every moment with them.

With my last positive thought, I think it's time to slip into he darkness behind my heavy eyes. I love you Grandpa.

Life through someone else's eyes.

When I was 17 years old, I started college. Cosmetology was the course I was taking, thinking my creative side would become louder with time. The only thing that happened was, my personality got an ego.

Ego;
The part of you that defines itself as a personality, separates itself from the outside world, and considers itself (read: you) a separate entity from the rest of nature and the cosmos. Perhaps necessary for survival in some evolutionary bygone, in modern times it leads only to (albeit often disguised) misanthropic beliefs and delusion. 
 
Or in other words..

the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

High School was such an awful time for me, then being 17 and being in College was more about pride. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of myself for completing it at a young age. But if I could go back in time and change my mentality of the whole process, I would in a heart beat. There are so many people I have done wrong. And if I could find those mistakes, and match them to those people, I would give my sincerest apologies. In the last four years, I have grown so much. I have loved and lost a great deal. Like most teenage girls, I have gone through best friends like toilet paper. I have used the term "forever" too many times to count. And even in writing this, I have used the word 'I' more times then one should.
To live a life through someone else's eyes would an unforgettable experience. We are all humans. So we are not alike. There are pressures to be the similar, but we are not born and raised the same. Our morals and focuses become warped by each other. I was never proud of my own skin growing up, but shedding my ego has made me proud of who I am today.
I went from being a well paid Hair Dresser, to working in a video game store. I have never been as happy as I am now.
I'm so sorry for the people I have hurt. I love you all.

 We have come so far.

And I will never let go.